You know what makes Valentine’s Day better? Distilling it down to a list of raw, cold facts. Hah!
We’ve got the results of a bunch of new Valentine’s Day surveys and studies here, and we pulled out the most interesting results from all of them. Here’s the state of love in 2017 by the numbers . . .
1. More than four out of five people are doing SOMETHING to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year.
2. 55% of people plan on having sex tonight. And 34% of women say they want sex more than ANYTHING ELSE tonight.
3. 46% think today should be a national holiday and a paid day off work.
4. Valentine’s Day is more likely to be an END than a beginning. 13% of people have dumped someone on Valentine’s Day . . . while 12% have gotten engaged.
5. 71% of couples will go out for dinner either tonight or another night this week to celebrate.
6. 87% of people will cheat on their diet during Valentine’s Day dinner. And 44% will order more expensive things than they normally do when they go out to eat.
7. The worst thing you can do to kill the mood at dinner tonight is use your phone too much. The other bad things you can do are: Being rude to your server . . . talking about your ex or politics . . . and having bad table manners.
8. 8% of people will spend more than $500 on Valentine’s Day this year. 3% of people will spend less than $10.
9. Men think they’re more romantic than women. The average man gives himself an eight out of 10 for romance . . . the average woman gives herself a six out of 10.
10. And finally, one out of five people think it’s okay to go on a first date tonight.
(PR Newswire / Daily Mail / ABC 6 – Providence / Bustle)
Hopefully you remember that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. That’s step one. Now we’ll get into the rest of the steps it takes to half-ass it tomorrow but not make it SUPER obvious.
Here are the results from a survey by Groupon that figured out the bare minimum amount of effort you need to put in to make it look like you tried on Valentine’s Day.
1. If you’re a man, spend $179 on gifts and dinner. If you’re a woman, spend $74.
2. Write at least FOUR sentences in a card.
3. Even if you’re planning a night out, make sure to buy SOME gift, even a small one. 26% of women and 19% of men would be disappointed if they didn’t get anything.
4. And make sure to plan some activity, even if it’s just dinner at home. 71% of people say it’s more important that you planned something than what it is specifically.
Today is “Red Tuesday” . . . the day of the year you’re most likely to get DUMPED, because it’s exactly one week from Valentine’s Day.
If you want to break things off without seeming TOTALLY heartless about it, apparently this is the cut-off.
The cheating website IllicitEncounters.com did a survey, and found 30% of people have broken up with someone a week before Valentine’s Day. They polled their MEMBERS though . . . so the number might be lower for non-cheaters.
80% said the main reason they did it was so they wouldn’t feel guilty FAKING their way through Valentine’s Day next week.
And 55% said they broke up with the person face-to-face . . . 28% did it over the phone . . . 12% did it over text . . . and 5% did it on social media.
There was a discussion on Reddit where actual guys said what they want for Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’ll give you a few ideas. Or not. These are their actual words.
- “A couples’ deep tissue massage . . . about an hour in the steam room . . . ice cold beer . . . a medium-rare porterhouse, baked potato, mushroom, salad dinner . . . and relax to an action movie of my choice.”
- “I personally prefer experiences over material objects. Make me dinner, give me a gift certificate that says I can tie you up and have my way with you, or take me on a road trip.”
- “A Darth Vader onesie.”
- “Things that I’ll use. A nice wallet, sunglasses, Chapstick, a nice coffee cup.”
- “Something that gets me a little closer to my dreams or hobbies.”
- “The greatest gift is that my old lady and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.”
- (CAREFUL!) “Enthusiastic oral sex.”
- “Kinky sex. Seriously, it may sound cheap or insincere but, as a man, there is nothing I want more than to have it my way on Valentine’s Day.”
- “Two tickets to see my favorite team play.”
- “A day with my girlfriend alone, no clocks, no cellphones, only her . . . and sex.”
Anyone can get their lady roses for Valentine’s Day. But if you REALLY want to impress her, why not give her DORITOS roses. Seriously.
Doritos actually gave away free bouquets of flowers made out of Doritos on their website. Unfortunately it was only in Canada, and they were all snapped up already. But you can make your OWN. Even if you’re not that crafty.
Just buy some fake plastic roses, take off the petals, and glue some of the curlier Doritos from a bag in their place. There’s even a step-by-step guide to making them . . . just Google “Doritos Roses Are The Only Valentine’s Day Gift Worth Giving.”
The only downside is that you can’t EAT them, because of the glue. But they’ll make for a GREAT Instagram post. And isn’t that all she REALLY wants?