Redneck costume, complete with mullet.
Here are some great zingers/dad jokes to help you get into the Halloween spirit.
Behold, the Top Signs You’re At A Redneck Halloween Party
- That zombie who’s missing the bottom half of his face is actually a guy who got mouth cancer from Redman.
- The only thing that’s really scary is the giant Confederate flag on the living room wall.
- It’s your first time hearing “Don’t Fear the Reaper” played by a guy blowing into a jug.
- All the dummies hanging from the trees in the yard look suspiciously like President Obama and Hillary Clinton.
- Almost everyone’s dressed as Daryl from “The Walking Dead” because what the heck, they already had a crossbow and a Harley.
- There’s no need for strobe lights when you can get the same effect by drinking what they’re mixing in the bathtub out back.
- Little Red Riding Hood has two full tattoo sleeves.
- Nobody dresses as ghosts because they don’t want to dirty their Klan robes.
- The witches are brewing meth.
- The winner of the scariest costume contest is dressed as a Democrat.
- The most popular costume is the “Sexy Cousin.”
- The pumpkin carving knife is covered in leftover squirrel meat.
- Everyone jumped from fright at the sight of an empty beer cooler.
- Any women dressed as a witch hears, “Oh, nice Hillary Clinton costume!”
- Not one person asks, “So, read any good books lately?”
Some guy made an awesome Halloween costume for his daughter . . . it made her look like a storm cloud with lightning flashing inside it.
It looks like it’s made out of the kind of stuffing they use in couch cushions and throw pillows. And she wore a big string of flashing lights underneath it to simulate lightning.
But it was kind of hard to walk around in. So she ended up ditching it, and went as Wonder Woman instead.
There were rumors KANYE WEST had a meltdown backstage before “Saturday Night Live” this past weekend. And now . . . there’s audio.
It’s pretty typical Kanye. Apparently he had some shiny flooring for his performance, but the stage lights were reflecting off it and messing up a video wall behind him. So stage hands had to remove it. And Kanye flipped.
In addition to whining like a baby and threatening not to perform, he also calls TAYLOR SWIFT a “fake ass,” then elevates himself above some pretty important people.
He says, quote, “By 50 percent, Stanley Kubrick, Picasso, Apostle Paul, [effing] Picasso and Escobar. By 50 percent more influential than any other human being.
“Don’t [eff] with me. Don’t [eff] with me. Don’t [eff] with me. By 50 percent dead or alive, by 50 percent for the next 1,000 years. Stanley Kubrick, ‘Ye.”
A source says he also called the “SNL” staffers, quote, “White mother[effers],” but his rep denies it. And Lorne Michaels reportedly had to talk Kanye down off his ledge so he would stay and do the show. (Listen to the UNCENSORED audio here.)
In related news, Kanye took some crap on Twitter for trying to type “throne”, as in a king’s chair, but he spelled it “T-H-R-O-W-N.” And some people say that by not selling his new album, he’s already cost himself $10 million due to illegal downloading.
Warning that Christmas fairy lights can slow your Wi-Fi
If you’re looking for an excuse to get out of decorating your house this Christmas, here’s one your family will TOTALLY accept. They might even THANK you for your laziness.
Your Christmas lights could screw up your Wi-Fi.
A British tech company studied how Christmas lights affect your Wi-Fi, and found that the electromagnetic interference from the lights might slow it DOWN. So if your Netflix gets choppy, maybe it’s your decorations.
They also might NOT, since there are a ton of factors at play . . . but they MIGHT. And is there ANY possibility that’s more frightening?
They say things like baby monitors and microwaves can also mess up your Internet speed. So, um . . . I guess let your baby fend for itself and stop eating Hot Pockets?
RIHANNA pranked JIMMY KIMMEL by sneaking into his bedroom around 1:00 AM yesterday, along with dancers, a guy holding disco lights, and another guy holding a huge boom box playing Rhianna’s new single “[B-word] Better Have My Money”. Jimmy’s wife and staff were in on it.