It appears that jeans are evolving . . . that’s jeans spelled J-E-A-N-S, not, like, our biological genes, although they’re probably evolving too. But that’s a tangent that’s missing the point: Jeans are getting STUPID.
Two new types of jeans have just gone on sale and, well, judge for yourself . . .
The first ones just went on sale at Nordstrom. They’re called the “Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans” and they come pre-streaked with lots of FAKE MUD.
That way you can look like you’ve been, quote, “getting down and dirty” without, you know, doing anything. And how much do they cost? $425. Wow.
The other new jeans come from a British chain called Topshop. And even though they call them jeans, that’s a stretch . . . because they’re not made from denim and they’re COMPLETELY SEE-THROUGH.
The description says, quote, “These out-of-the-ordinary clear plastic jeans [are] guaranteed to get people talking.” At least they “only” cost $100. (As of late last night, they were no longer listed on Topshop’s website.)
(Fox News / UPI)
Here’s proof that eventually EVERYTHING becomes a fashion trend for a moment. Because, allegedly, PLUMBER CHIC has arrived.
A high fashion company called Vetements is about to start selling new jeans that have a zipper on the butt . . . so you can expose a little BUTT CRACK. Or your full butt crack, if you’re in the mood.
Based on Vetements’ usual prices, a pair will probably cost as much as your rent, so you might need to figure out a more do-it-yourself method if you want to get in on this hot new exposed butt crack trend.
We found a list online of everyday things you’ve probably never thought about. But they all have a purpose. Here are five we liked . . .
1. The hole in the top of a pen cap. It’s not some weird engineering thing that keeps it from drying out. It just makes the cap less of a hazard for little kids by keeping their airway open if they choke on it.
2. Sometimes when you buy nice clothes, there’s an extra piece of fabric in one of the pockets. It’s not there in case you need to make a patch. It’s there so you can test laundry detergent on it.
3. The little “fifth pocket” in your jeans was originally there to hold a pocket watch. And the metal rivets prevent the seams from ripping.
4. On a measuring tape, there’s usually a tiny hole in the hook at the end. It’s there so you can hook it onto a nail or a screw. And the bottom of the hook usually has little teeth, so you can use it to mark drywall while you’re measuring.
5. There’s a soft plastic disc under the lid of a two-liter soda bottle. Even if you take it out, the bottle might not leak. But it has to be there to make it airtight. Otherwise it would go flat a lot faster.
Wiggling into your jeans while you pull them up by the belt loops.
There’s plenty of stuff about women that’s a complete mystery to men. But enough about their orgasms. There’s other stuff too. Probably.
There’s a discussion going on right now on Reddit.com where guys are sharing the weird things women do without realizing just how weird they are. Here are eight of our favorites . . .
1. If you have straight hair, wanting to curl it . . . if you have curly hair, wanting to straighten it.
2. Wiggling into your jeans while you pull them up by the belt loops.
3. Saying you don’t want fries, then eating half of someone else’s fries.
4. Always being cold in every situation.
5. Putting decorative soaps right by the sink, then getting mad when someone uses them.
6. Borrowing a sweatshirt . . . then keeping it.
7. Not realizing that just responding to a text with “yes” or “k” makes a guy think you’re furious at him.
8. Saying you don’t have an opinion on where to go eat . . . but hating all of the options someone else suggests.
(You can check out the eight weird things men do without realizing it here.)
There’s an old cliché that it’s better to look good than to FEEL good. I would say that counts as TERRIBLE advice . . . especially when someone takes it to the extreme like THIS.
A 35-year-old woman in Adelaide, Australia was recently helping a relative move . . . and she wore SUPER skinny jeans. She spent a few hours squatting to get stuff out of the kitchen cabinets and when she tried to walk right afterward, she COULDN’T.
Her calves were so swollen it was impossible to get the jeans off, and she had no feeling in her feet.
She was rushed to the hospital where they had to cut the jeans off . . . and she was there for FOUR DAYS before she could walk again.
The doctors who treated her said this should be a good warning about being careful with wearing skinny jeans . . . or at least being careful about what you do when you’re wearing them.