The Top Signs You’re At A Redneck Halloween Party

The Top Signs You’re At A Redneck Halloween Party

Houston native, 1st Lt. Jamie Arrington, 610th Brigade Support Battalion Physicians Assistant, gets a laugh from the crowd as he poses in his "redneck" costume during the Company C, 610th BSB "Charlie Med" Halloween party at the Forward Operating Base Falcon, Troop Medical Clinic, Oct. 28.

Redneck costume, complete with mullet.

 

Here are some great zingers/dad jokes to help you get into the Halloween spirit.

Behold, the Top Signs You’re At A Redneck Halloween Party

  • That zombie who’s missing the bottom half of his face is actually a guy who got mouth cancer from Redman.
  • The only thing that’s really scary is the giant Confederate flag on the living room wall.
  • It’s your first time hearing “Don’t Fear the Reaper” played by a guy blowing into a jug.
  • All the dummies hanging from the trees in the yard look suspiciously like President Obama and Hillary Clinton.
  • Almost everyone’s dressed as Daryl from “The Walking Dead” because what the heck, they already had a crossbow and a Harley.
  • There’s no need for strobe lights when you can get the same effect by drinking what they’re mixing in the bathtub out back.
  • Little Red Riding Hood has two full tattoo sleeves.
  • Nobody dresses as ghosts because they don’t want to dirty their Klan robes.
  • The witches are brewing meth.
  • The winner of the scariest costume contest is dressed as a Democrat.
  • The most popular costume is the “Sexy Cousin.”
  • The pumpkin carving knife is covered in leftover squirrel meat.
  • Everyone jumped from fright at the sight of an empty beer cooler.
  • Any women dressed as a witch hears, “Oh, nice Hillary Clinton costume!”
  • Not one person asks, “So, read any good books lately?”
Beyonce, Robert Redford, Matthew McConaughey and Miley Cyrus Are Among "Time" Magazine's Most Influential People

Beyonce, Robert Redford, Matthew McConaughey and Miley Cyrus Are Among "Time" Magazine's Most Influential People

time covers 1“Time” magazine has released its annual list of the 100 Most Influential People.  The celebrities who made the cut this year include Beyoncé, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Redford and, sadly, Miley Cyrus.

Beyoncé scored one of FOUR different covers . . . along with Robert Redford, openly gay NBA player Jason Collins, and General Motors CEO Mary Barra, who’s the company’s FIRST female CEO.

A record 47 women made this year’s list.  Some of the other notable females include:  Carrie Underwood, “Scandal” star Kerry Washington, Amy Adams, Serena Williams, Hillary Clinton and Megyn Kelly from Fox News.

Those with MALE genitalia include:  Pharrell, excitable Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, Benedict Cumberbatch . . . who’s described as, quote, “an alarmingly talented English star” . . . Seth Meyers, “12 Years a Slave” directorSteve McQueen, “Gravity” director Alfonso Cuaron, Pope Francis, Vladimir Putin, and President Obama.

(Time.com has the complete list.  And here are all four of the covers.)  (Image Source)