Hopefully you remember that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. That’s step one. Now we’ll get into the rest of the steps it takes to half-ass it tomorrow but not make it SUPER obvious.
Here are the results from a survey by Groupon that figured out the bare minimum amount of effort you need to put in to make it look like you tried on Valentine’s Day.
1. If you’re a man, spend $179 on gifts and dinner. If you’re a woman, spend $74.
2. Write at least FOUR sentences in a card.
3. Even if you’re planning a night out, make sure to buy SOME gift, even a small one. 26% of women and 19% of men would be disappointed if they didn’t get anything.
4. And make sure to plan some activity, even if it’s just dinner at home. 71% of people say it’s more important that you planned something than what it is specifically.
Have you bought your dad a gift for Father’s Day this Sunday? No? NOW who’s being emotionally unavailable?
A new survey asked more than 1,000 dads what gifts they want for Father’s Day . . . and what they DON’T want.
The top seven things they want are: A trip . . . tickets to a sporting event . . . power tools . . . an iPad . . . a watch . . . beer . . . and barbecue gear.
And the top four things they really DON’T want are: A gym membership . . . underwear . . . socks . . . and ties.
And they’re REALLY not kidding about the whole “I don’t want a gym membership” thing. 92% of dads say that would be a terrible gift, which makes it three times worse than the runner up, underwear and socks.
There was a discussion on Reddit where actual guys said what they want for Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’ll give you a few ideas. Or not. These are their actual words.
- “A couples’ deep tissue massage . . . about an hour in the steam room . . . ice cold beer . . . a medium-rare porterhouse, baked potato, mushroom, salad dinner . . . and relax to an action movie of my choice.”
- “I personally prefer experiences over material objects. Make me dinner, give me a gift certificate that says I can tie you up and have my way with you, or take me on a road trip.”
- “A Darth Vader onesie.”
- “Things that I’ll use. A nice wallet, sunglasses, Chapstick, a nice coffee cup.”
- “Something that gets me a little closer to my dreams or hobbies.”
- “The greatest gift is that my old lady and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.”
- (CAREFUL!) “Enthusiastic oral sex.”
- “Kinky sex. Seriously, it may sound cheap or insincere but, as a man, there is nothing I want more than to have it my way on Valentine’s Day.”
- “Two tickets to see my favorite team play.”
- “A day with my girlfriend alone, no clocks, no cellphones, only her . . . and sex.”
Ideally you’d only give Christmas gifts to people you like. But that’s not always the case . . . sometimes you have to give one to a bad co-worker, random family members, or that awful couple you guys still hang out with for some reason.
So what do you give them? A new survey found the top 10 presents we give to people we don’t really like. Check ’em out . . .
- A bad box of chocolates.
- A bottle of wine that’s been sitting around in your house.
- Bubble bath you’re re-gifting.
- Books you’ve already read and don’t want to keep.
- DVDs you’ve watched and don’t like.
- Cheap perfume or cologne.
- A scarf.
- Cheap soap that looks expensive.
- CDs of bad music.
People Are Giving “Boomerang Gifts” . . . Where They Give a Present That Benefits Them Too
What’s the big Christmas present you’re giving your significant other this year? A giant new TV? Dinner at a fancy restaurant? A trip to Hawaii?
If so, congratulations. Apparently you’re part of this year’s new trend called “boomerang gifts” . . . and you may not even realize you’re doing it.
A boomerang gift is when you give someone a present that also benefits YOU. Taking someone to a couples spa also benefits YOU . . . getting them a sweet new iPad also benefits YOU . . . five seasons of “The Wire” also benefits YOU.
A new survey found it’s becoming more and more popular . . . to the point where the majority of people are doing it now.
The top boomerang gifts are box sets of TV shows, boxes of chocolate, and movies. But really . . . who buys box sets of TV shows anymore?