So yeah, nothing from your childhood is sacred anymore. Eventually it’s going to get sold out as part of a marketing stunt.
First Monopoly started slashing its classic game tokens like the thimble and the wheelbarrow. And now Crayola is all like, “Hey, WE can ruin your nostalgia too.”
Crayola just announced that they’re going to get rid of one of the colors from their box of 24 crayons. They’ve never eliminated one of those 24 core colors before. And because it’s 2017, they’ll be live streaming their decision on Friday morning.
So what are the 24 colors that are currently involved in this Russian roulette scenario?
They are: Red, yellow, blue, brown, orange, green, violet, black, carnation pink, yellow orange, blue green, red violet, red orange, yellow green, blue violet, white, violet red, dandelion, cerulean, apricot, scarlet, green yellow, indigo, and gray.
It’s hard to speculate which one will go, but it probably won’t be a super basic color like blue or yellow. It will probably be one that’s fairly redundant . . . like, do we need “yellow green” and “green yellow” or “red violet” and “violet red”?
USA Today ranked all 60-plus Super Bowl commercials last night with their ‘Ad Meter.’ But here’s what we think. Mostly in the order they appeared.
Funny and Fresh:
1. Skittles, Romance the Rainbow. A guy is trying to get his girlfriend’s attention by throwing Skittles at her bedroom window. Except she’s awake, and eating the Skittles. It was clever, and at least in this year’s crop, it made an impression.
2. Buschhhhh. The guy cracks a beer, and the sound lasts forever. It’s rare for a big budget commercial to go for that kind of awkward humor . . . where something lame is drawn out to absurd lengths. It may not have worked, but points for trying.
3. Justin Bieber was a Celebration Expert for T-Mobile. He did a history of end zone celebrations, and classed it up with a tux and a decent haircut. And for once we didn’t want to punch him.
4. Honda did an Animated Yearbook, where Tina Fey, Steve Carell, Viola Davis and other celebrities came to life in awkward photos to give advice. It was the most unique effect of the night, AND the best use of celebrity placement.
For example, Weather Tech spent a ton of money on that spilled coffee ad, where a SWAT team kept the guy’s coffee from ruining his car. But actually, it could have used a celebrity driver to be more memorable.
5. Christopher Walken for Bai Antioxidant Infusion Drink. He was sitting next to a fire in a stuffy library reciting ‘N Sync lyrics. As in “Bai Bai Bai.” Get it? And Justin Timberlake was sitting next him, approving the recital.
6. Tide tried go viral with a stain on Terry Bradshaw’s shirt. They ran a promo in the second quarter for the halftime show, and people online noticed that Terry had a stain on his shirt. But it was all a setup for a commercial a few minutes later.
He had to book it out of the studio, and eventually ended up in Jeffrey Tambor’s house. Kind of random, which probably kept it from winning the night. But creative.
7. Is it weird the Sprint had a dad Faking His Death in front of his kids to get out of his Verizon contract? “Well kids, Daddy’s dead.” We like that they went there.
8. After halftime, there was the Sexy Mr. Clean commercial, where the housewife got all sexed up by Mr. Clean’s animated butt. With the tagline “You gotta love a man who cleans.” Note to guys . . . this actually works.
9. Budweiser avoided sentimental animals this year, with Born the Hard Way, about the founder of Anheuser-Busch coming to America as an immigrant in the 1850s. They say it WASN’T intended to comment on the immigration debate.
10. Kia made fun of environmental liberals and promoted a hybrid at the same time. That’s the one were Melissa McCarthy was an eco warrior who kept messing up. Now THAT’S how you do politics.
11. Speaking of politics, something called “It’s A 10 Hair Care” did a pretty direct hit on Trump with a Four Years of Bad Hair spot. We’re guessing whether you liked that one or not depends . . . on who you voted for.
12. T-Mobile kept rolling out the hits last night. Another winner was the woman who kept calling Verizon over their annoying contracts and fees . . . because she LIKED being punished, “50 Shades of Grey” style.
It was later in the game, but it was edgy, topical, and well done.
And it got some of the biggest laughs at the party we went to. Just kidding, we watched the game alone.
13. And finally, there was the Mercedes-AMG GT Roadster ad, where Peter Fonda from “Easy Rider” accidentally blocked in a bunch of tough bikers. Note to advertisers: That is the ONLY TIME when using “Born to Be Wild” is acceptable.
Old and Stale:
1. Arnold Schwarzenegger for Mobile Strike, with his same, tired old catchphrases. Enough Arnold, we GET it. It’s not working for “Celebrity Apprentice” either.
2. Go Daddy usually makes a bigger splash. This year they did a thing where a guy is the internet personified. Like, in the flesh. It wasn’t lame, it just seemed like a confusing, missed opportunity, with outdated internet memes.
3. Sorry, Yellowtail Wine. It just didn’t happen for you this year. ‘Pet my roo’ didn’t trend, and nothing landed in that entire commercial with the partying kangaroo.
4. There were a LOT fewer animals this year. With the exception of the random groundhog in the Skittles commercial, and The Ghost of Spuds MacKenzie for Bud Light. Was it worth bringing him back? Or stale?
5. And was the cracked Humpty Dumpty for Turbotax creative, or creepy? We couldn’t tell. Especially when the yoke leaked out of his mouth.
6. Does anyone remember exactly what happened during the Snickers commercial with Adam Driver . . . the first ever “live” Super Bowl ad? Other than it was live? Seemed like another missed opportunity.
A bunch of ads clearly went with an “inclusiveness” vibe, to tap into that post-election need for healing that everyone keeps talking about.
1. Google started it off in the first commercial, for Google Home. It was pretty multi-cultural, and there was even a gay-friendly rainbow flag if you were paying attention. Airbnb got multicultural too, with their We Accept ad.
2. And obviously there was the Bud ad about the founder of Anheuser-Busch being an immigrant.
3. But there was also the 84 Lumber commercial, where the Mexican migrant and her daughter head to the U.S. The ending was deemed too controversial for the game, so they directed people online . . . and crashed their own website.
Basically, the little girl makes an American flag of out scraps of litter. Then they get to a giant border wall, and there’s a big wooden DOOR. The tagline was, “The will to succeed is always welcome here.” That’s why Fox rejected the full cut of the ad.
4. There was also the Audi Daughter ad about equal pay for women, with the little girl beating the boys in her go-cart race.
Here’s a shocker . . . how you felt about that one depended on your political views. Some people criticized it for being politically correct propaganda. Or because Audi has never taken a stance on that issue before. Although . . . does that matter?
Let’s face it, with all these political ads, you love them or hate them depending on your politics. Not whether the ad was well done or not. Coke even re-ran that ad from last year before the game, where people sang “America the Beautiful” in different languages. And some people STILL don’t like it.
The trailer for the “Baywatch” movie had one of the funnier moments. Zac Efron ripped off his tearaway pants to reveal some sweet Star-Spangled briefs, and said he was wearing “freedom.” But The Rock called it “desecration.”
There were also trailers for “Guardians of the Galaxy Volume Two” . . . “Logan”, the third Wolverine movie . . . “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales“, the fifth Johnny Depp Pirates movie. . .
“Transformers: The Last Knight”, the fifth Transformers movie . . . and “The Fate of the Furious”, the EIGHTH Fast and Furious movie. Oh, and “Life”, a movie in space with Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds.
2. Does anyone know, like, anyone who drives an Alfa Romeo? Seems like a big ad buy for them, for no reason. Ditto for Turkish Airlines with Morgan Freeman. I know exactly when I’ll need Turkish Airlines . . . for that trip to Turkey. (???)
3. Most of the commercials had been released online the week or two before the game, and racked up millions of views.
But some of the best ones HADN’T.
Like Bai Bai Bai with Christopher Walken, and the T-Mobile ads where the girl wanted Verizon to ‘punish’ her.
We say it every year, but it WOULD be cooler if they just let the ads run for the first time during the game. It makes the whole thing more fun and interesting if you don’t know what’s coming.
The Super Bowl commercials yesterday were probably overshadowed by the game, since it went down to the last few plays . . . and since most ads were released online last week. It’s gotten bad, and it REALLY lessens their impact.
But some stood out. Here are 20 of the commercials and trends we noticed, roughly in the order they appeared.
1. Chevy freaked everyone out right away by making people think their reception was messed up. But it was just about how the Chevy Colorado comes with built-in WiFi. It annoyed a lot of people on social media, but you have to admit it got your attention.
2. Snickers was hard to top, as we predicted. That’s the one where they made it look like DANNY TREJO from “Machete” andSTEVE BUSCEMI were two of the daughters on “The Brady Bunch” . . . and acting out because they needed a Snickers.
It also made us think . . . THAT’S how you use a celebrity. There were a ton of celebrity cameos in ads this year, but not all of them worked. It worked here because they used unexpected faces in unexpected ways.
3. It sounds weird to say, but Carnival Cruise lines had a pretty effective ad early on. It was voiceover from an old speech by JFK, about how there’s salt in our blood and technically human beings come from the sea. But it was actually pretty powerful.
At the same time, it seems like way too many companies went for the ‘serious’ angle this year. You know it’s gotten bad when Carnival Cruise lines is using dead presidents. (More on that here.)
4. Skittles got some laughs early on with a town where people “settle it the usual way” when there’s only one Skittle left . . . by ARM wrestling. So everyone had huge right arms . . . even little kids and dogs.
5. KIM KARDASHIAN did a fake, sentimental PSA for T-Mobile about saving your unused data . . . the one she teased on“Conan” last week. Even if you’re sick of her, at least she can make fun of herself.
6. The Budweiser “Lost Puppy” commercial won “USA Today’s” ad meter results. Probably because it was shamelessly manipulative. Not only did the puppy get lost, he almost got attacked by a WOLF . . . until his Clydesdale friends saved him.
7. MINDY KALING did a funny ad for Nationwide Insurance where she thought she was invisible, and tried to kiss MATT DAMON.
8. Coke scored with a message about making modern technology less about bullying, hating, and negativity . . . all because a guy spilled a Coke on a server somewhere. Kind of ironic, since last year everyone online HATED their multi-ethnic commercial.
9. Doritos proved again that they’re reliable for ads that actually make you laugh. There was the guy who made sure no one wanted to sit next to him in the MIDDLE SEAT on a plane, unless it was a hot woman . . . but it turned out she had a baby.
10. Esurance had a couple funny commercials about how it’s the right product for you . . . not someone SORTA like you. So they had BRYAN CRANSTON as Walter White from “Breaking Bad” playing your pharmacist.
And if you missed it, they ran an ad right BEFORE the game with the same idea . . . where LINDSAY LOHAN played a lousy mom.
11. Fiat did the ad where the old Italian guy wants to take a Viagra, but drops it out the window, where it eventually ends up in a car and makes it . . . you know . . . bigger.
12. At halftime, Always became the first-ever feminine care product to do a Super Bowl ad, and they scored pretty big with their ‘Like a Girl‘ commercial. They asked guys and women to do things “like a girl,” and showed how it had become an INSULT.
But YOUNG girls don’t feel that way. It was actually a shorter version of a three-minute viral video they made last June.
13. Then Skechers snuck in an amusing PETE ROSE joke, where he wasn’t allowed “in the hall” . . . even in his own home. But that one’s been around for months.
14. LIAM NEESON was in one of the funnier commercials, for the game Clash of Clans. He made fun of all the clichéd tough guy characters he plays now . . . but he was just in line to buy a scone.
15. Dodge did the ad where people 100 years or older talked about how you can learn a lot in 100 years. As far as serious or emotionally manipulative commercials go, it just worked . . . because they had fun with it.
16. A company called Mophie did an intense, big-budget ad where earth was hit by the apocalypse . . . all because God was preoccupied when his CELL phone battery died. There was some controversy over the subject, but it ended on an amusing note.
17. One of the last commercials was for Wix.com, where BRETT FAVRE was trying to start a website. We just thought it was interesting that it featured has-been NFL players dealing with retirement. A somewhat bold move on the NFL’s biggest night.
18. As far as ads we DIDN’T like, Nationwide Insurance had that funny commercial where Mindy Kaling thought she was invisible . . . but also threw out one of the DARKEST ads we’ve ever seen during a Super Bowl. It’s the one where a kid DIED from a preventable accident. NOT a cool twist ending . . . and people went off on social media.
19. And some people were confused by the Jeep ad that used “This Land is Your Land” . . . probably one of the most famous songs about America. But it doesn’t make as much sense when you’re showing China, Brazil, and Australia.
20. There were also TWO commercials featuring screaming goats, from Sprint and Discover. Which feels a LITTLE dated in 2015. But hey, if it makes YOU laugh . . .