I’m not sure what guy would want to wear any of these Halloween costumes . . . I mean, they’re pretty much guaranteed to turn women off en masse. But just in case you WOULD want one, this is a public service announcement.
Here are some men’s Halloween costumes on sale RIGHT NOW that will make you look like a jackass . . .
1. “Seymore Boobs Free Mammogram.” It’s a box that goes over your head that says “Free Mammogram” and has a cutout in the shape of boobs for your face.
2. “Genie in a Lamp.” This one is an Aladdin vest and a huge magic lamp that goes around your waist . . . you know, like it’s your junk. And it says “Rub Me!” on the side.
3. “Frank the Flasher.” You’ll get a trench coat, a gray wig that looks like male pattern baldness . . . and a flesh-colored bodysuit with fake junk.
4. (Careful!) “Dr. Seymour Bush, Gynecologist.” This isn’t just a lame pun, it’s a super lazy costume . . . it’s just a white lab coat with the name embroidered on it.
5. “Adult Droopers.” You get a white granny wig, orange Hooters shorts, a cutoff shirt that says “Droopers” . . . and fake boobs hanging out.
how to make fake blood
If you wanna up your Halloween game with some fake blood this year, you don’t have to go out and buy it. You can make buckets of it with just four ingredients that you might already have in your kitchen.
Here’s what you need . . .
Eight ounces of water . . . 16 ounces of powdered sugar . . . a one-ounce bottle of red food coloring . . . and a tablespoon of cocoa powder to make it a nice DARK red.
That’ll almost fill a pitcher, so cut it down if you want to make less than that. But if you mix those four things together, you should end up with something that looks just as realistic as the stuff they sell at stores.
Plus it’s non-toxic, so you don’t have to worry about your kids eating it.
And even if you have to buy everything, it shouldn’t cost more than ten bucks to make.
I have to say, this is a HILARIOUS reason to get in trouble at work.
67-year-old Ronald Dillon works on the support desk in the IT department at the New York City Health Department. And last year, he stopped answering calls in his normal voice . . . and started answering them in a FAKE ROBOT VOICE.
People started complaining, and when he wouldn’t stop, he got suspended for 20 days.
And you’d THINK that would get him to give it up. But Ronald is REALLY committed to the bit. So earlier this year, he started answering calls in his robot voice again.
He claims it was to hide his thick Brooklyn accent . . . but no one’s buying it. His bosses think he’s sick of answering calls because he feels like he should be doing a more important job, and this is just his passive-aggressive protest.
An administrative judge just gave him a 30-day suspension.
(New York Daily News)
It’s not lonely or sad at all to pay $25-a-month to CATFISH YOURSELF.
Two new services just launched, called Invisible Boyfriend and Invisible Girlfriend . . . and they both create the most authentic looking FAKE relationship possible for you.
They cost $24.99 per month . . . which includes 100 texts from your fake boyfriend or girlfriend, including responses when you text them . . . plus 10 voicemails, one handwritten note, and even some photos.
The founders say the texts and calls won’t come from a robot . . . they’ve figured out a, quote, “secret sauce” that seems to combine auto responses and real responses from humans to make everything seem as real as possible.
So why would someone sign up? The founders proposed a few scenarios: Tricking your Bible belt grandparents so they don’t know you’re gay . . . practicing for how you’d handle a real relationship . . . or fending off a coworker who’s hitting on you.
You can sign up for the service at InvisibleBoyfriend.com or InvisibleGirlfriend.com.
33-year-old Jill Roy of Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts works at Dunkin’ Donuts. And in spite of unlimited access to unlimited calories, apparently she’s still super skinny with no butt.
So Jill went ahead and got herself a FAKE BUTT prosthesis, which she wears out to give herself a little extra something.
How do we know? Because Jill hasn’t just been using her fake butt to attract men in possession of anacondas.
Jill was pulled over a few weeks ago, and as she was standing near a cop car, a bag of marijuana that she’d hidden in her fake butt fell out of her pant leg. So the cops took her into the station and searched her.
During the search, a female deputy noticed the fake butt and asked Jill to take it off. And when she did . . . there were illegal painkillers AND a bag of heroin hidden in it.
Jill was hit with several felony and misdemeanor narcotics charges.
(The Smoking Gun)