Before you get too drunk to remember these, here are six random stats about St. Patrick’s Day . . .
1. 56% of us are planning to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this year.
2. 83% of those people will wear green.
3. We’ll spend a total of $5.3 BILLION celebrating it this year . . . or about $38 per person.
4. Worldwide, we’ll drink 13 million pints of Guinness today.
5. We’ll eat 70% more cabbage this week than normal.
6. And St. Patrick’s Day is just the FOURTH most popular drinking holiday. The top three are New Year’s, Christmas, and the Fourth of July.
If your friends aren’t responsible enough to tell you that you’re too drunk to drive, maybe your tortilla chips will be?
Tostitos is rolling out a new bag right now that has a built in BREATHALYZER. You breathe into the sensor on the bag, and if it detects any alcohol on your breath, the design on the bag turns red and flashes a message that says “Don’t drink and drive.”
The bags are only going to be around for a limited time, but you should definitely try to get one for your Super Bowl party.
I would never have guessed that the SMITHSONIAN could turn getting drunk into an amazing job, but it’s a strange new world we live in.
The Smithsonian is doing research into American craft beer, so they’re going to hire someone to travel around for the next three years to drink beer, talk to brewers, and file reports. And they’re paying $64,650 a year, plus benefits.
Anyone can apply, but they do say they want someone who has a, quote, “advanced degree” in history, food, brewing, culture, or business.
1. Budweiser has been pointlessly sentimental the past few years with their “cute animal” Super Bowl ads . . . but now, they’re getting REAL. Budweiser is doing a “don’t drink and drive” ad, featuring HELEN MIRREN. She tells drunk drivers they are a, quote, “short-sighted, utterly useless, oxygen-wasting human form of pollution” and “a Darwin-award deserving, selfish coward.”
2. DRAKE does a T-Mobile commercial where he’s singing “Hotline Bling”, and a bunch of marketing types keep interrupting to tell him to add things like: “Streaming music will incur data charges.”
It isn’t really that funny . . . but they did get Drake to be in it.
3. STEVEN TYLER does a Skittles commercial, where he talks to a portrait of himself made out of candy.
4. If you haven’t seen it yet, there’s also a spot celebrating 20 years of Pokemon.
5. This isn’t an ad . . . but if someone you care deeply about is interested in the Puppy Bowl, I’m sorry. Please send my thoughts and prayers. And this rundown of the puppies in the starting lineup. It’ll probably make their day, sadly.
According to a study from the State University of New York in Buffalo, drunk couples are HAPPIER.
A professor of health behavior named Dr. Gregory Homish led the research . . . he’s been studying the behavior and satisfaction of couples for ten years.
He wanted to see if drinking and smoking caused problems in relationships over time, or if it was the difference in the AMOUNT of drinking and smoking between a husband and wife that caused problems.
So they had 600 couples answer questions before their wedding, then a year later, then two years, four, and seven. And not surprisingly, ALL couples saw their satisfaction go down somewhat over the years, no matter what their vices were. Bummer.
And yeah, drinking and smoking a lot can strain a marriage. But . . . couples with different habits at different LEVELS were MORE likely to feel dissatisfaction.
In other words, couples who BOTH drank and smoked were more likely to be happy with their marriage. And they were even more likely to be happy if it was at the same level. Also, the satisfaction was higher when it comes to alcohol, compared to smoking.
Which maybe isn’t THAT surprising, when you factor in the randiness that comes with getting your drink on.
(Your Tango / SUNY)