Every single person’s parents do SOMETHING weird just to save a few bucks. It’s a scientific fact. My parents still, to this day, keep the house at like 65 degrees in the winter because they’d rather freeze than run the heat.
There’s a discussion right now on Reddit where people are sharing childhood memories of the ridiculous things their parents did to save money. Here are five great ones . . .
1. “My mom tried to convince the ticket guy at the movies my brother was 12. He was 19 and smoking a cigarette.”
2. “When I was in junior high, I wanted weights to bulk up for sports. My dad filled two big Folgers coffee cans with cement and stuck them on a sawed off broom handle.”
3. “When we demolished our brick garage, my dad made us clean every brick with a pickaxe and line them up around the house for future use. [It took] one year of backbreaking effort and they’re still there eight years later.”
4. “They’d collect all the pieces of soap when the bars get too small to use, put them in pantyhose, and hang them from the shower head. You’re supposed to lather up your hands and use that soap until it’s gone.”
5. “My dad would build up speed, then turn the engine off and coast down to five miles-per-hour to save gas. He did that while my friends were in the car.”
A guy hanging a shelf was trying to get it centered, when his little son started commenting about it in baby talk from the next room.
So the guy somehow made it seem like they were arguing . . . and the kid went along.
I’m not sure any fathers out there need MORE of an excuse to gently ease into a life of wearing sweatpants seven days a week and dipping pizza into ranch dressing, but here you go.
According to a new study out of Yale University, chubbier dads live longer than other men . . . AND they’re MORE ATTRACTIVE to women.
Why? When you lose a little muscle mass and gain a little fat, it actually helps your body shift some of its resources toward your immune system instead of just worrying about feeding your muscles.
And women are biologically drawn to a dad with some chubbiness, because it’s a sign that you’re focused on your kids above anything else . . . including trying to get with women.
So since you’re not interested in them . . . they’re interested in you.
Redneck costume, complete with mullet.
Here are some great zingers/dad jokes to help you get into the Halloween spirit.
Behold, the Top Signs You’re At A Redneck Halloween Party
- That zombie who’s missing the bottom half of his face is actually a guy who got mouth cancer from Redman.
- The only thing that’s really scary is the giant Confederate flag on the living room wall.
- It’s your first time hearing “Don’t Fear the Reaper” played by a guy blowing into a jug.
- All the dummies hanging from the trees in the yard look suspiciously like President Obama and Hillary Clinton.
- Almost everyone’s dressed as Daryl from “The Walking Dead” because what the heck, they already had a crossbow and a Harley.
- There’s no need for strobe lights when you can get the same effect by drinking what they’re mixing in the bathtub out back.
- Little Red Riding Hood has two full tattoo sleeves.
- Nobody dresses as ghosts because they don’t want to dirty their Klan robes.
- The witches are brewing meth.
- The winner of the scariest costume contest is dressed as a Democrat.
- The most popular costume is the “Sexy Cousin.”
- The pumpkin carving knife is covered in leftover squirrel meat.
- Everyone jumped from fright at the sight of an empty beer cooler.
- Any women dressed as a witch hears, “Oh, nice Hillary Clinton costume!”
- Not one person asks, “So, read any good books lately?”
A 24-year-old named Chelsea Wilson from Hollywood, Florida asked her dad if he’d drive her to a job interview last Thursday. It was at a bank . . . and being a good dad, he took her.
He figured it went really well too, because she came outside with a bunch of CASH. She said it was an advance payment on her salary. Yeah . . .
Anyway, that’s what he allowed himself to BELIEVE happened . . . until the FBI showed up at his house the next morning.
It turns out Chelsea was lying to him, and he hadn’t taken her to a job interview . . . she’d tricked him into being her GETAWAY DRIVER when she robbed the bank.
She’d also robbed three other banks before, although she didn’t get her dad tangled up in those.
She was arrested for robbery, but since her dad really didn’t know what was going on, he won’t be facing any charges.
(ABC 10 – Orlando)